Bibliophile sounds kind of disgusting

Hey folks... feels like it's been a while but I've kinda been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last two weeks and right now I'm at the top cause I'm feeling happy, free and like I could conquer the world. Except I'm just sitting at my desk, back starting to hunch and smiling like an idiot.

So we all have that endless list of books we have to read, right? During my "holiday" (aka I failed a paper so I had 6 months off just working and chilling... IT WAS AWESOME) last year I got into the habit of buying books (I had to stop cause helloooo! tuition fees) because books are swweeeeeet... think of summer holidays, nestling on the green green grass with a light breeze and the oddly beautiful sounds of ducks quacking in a pond nearby reading an awesome (or maybe not so) book... or winter, curled up in a nice warm blanket with a mug of hot chocolate and cookies baked fresh off the oven, with a book in your hand... aaaahh *stares into the distance with a look of nostalgic ecstasy*

....

Aannnd we're back. So I thought I'd share my favourite books on my shelf with you... I would like to buy others I've enjoyed that I read but maybe one day when my bank account doesn't look like a joke and if I ever finish this degree I might.. *clears throat* I mean, when I finish this degree o_o

So these are the books I bought and the ones I 80-100% LOVE LOVE LOVE...

(I really need the Harry Potter series, more Agatha Christie books, Shit My Dad Says and Book of a 1000 days)

These next books are the ones I started reading and haven't yet finished PLUS the ones on my shelf I haven't started reading but really want to read one of these days....

(Add in Graceling, Song of the Lioness series, The Name of the Wind, any of Rick Riordan series, Warmbodies, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy... This list is just never gonna fucking end is it?)

These are the "WHY THE HELL DID I BUY THESE BOOKS... WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY... WHY WHY WHY?" books I own.. *throws them out the window* *goes back out to get them cause I could probably give them to the old book stores for someone else to appreciate more than me*

So after the waste-of-money-books I decided to just download books to read and if I liked them I would buy them. So I really want to own my own little library one day... If one day I do, then I will consider my life lived. Have you seen those antiquish looking libraries??!! Just google search 'library porn' *faints from bookgasm* haahaa

And then we come to the imaginary shelf of books I enjoyed but would never buy the books for because of reasons

• J.R Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood series
• The 13th book in the Series of Unfortunate Events books... We never speak of that one
• The Game of Thrones series (actually my brother owns these and he's moved away but left them...hmmmmmmmmm)

P.S I never understood it when you go to people's homes and they say "Excuse the mess" and there's no mess??? Jeez why do you lie for? When I say that I literally mean it because my house is ALWAYS a damn mess like things on the floor, dishes from two days ago... Anyways, excuse the mess behind the books :)

PEACE & GENTLE BREEZES ON A HUMID DAY!

DancingPotatotes

Is it May already?

Things I learned about myself recently:

1. We all need me-time once in a while. Me-time doesn't mean you're lazy or selfish, it's like a nap. It helps to regenerate and recollect your thoughts. I just realised today the reason I was down lately was because for the past month or so I haven't had time for myself or had time to do stuff I usually like doing. I've had all my school commitments and exercising throughout the day and then during the weekend I was pushed into work and church commitments. The only time I had to myself was sleeping and showering. So today in between classes, I went home and sat down, had a mug of green tea and some dark chocolate and watched about half an episode of Doctor Who (which is the greatest show on earth and I loooooove the Ponds) and then had enough time for my next class. I actually felt a heap better.
2. I am not a push-over. So there's this really out-there, full-on-in-your-face-cussing dude I work with who happens to be gay. Now him being gay is not important (I think), but you know the stereotypical loud gay guy that we see in tv shows who can be openly judgemental? Well, I work with that guy... And he yells and cusses all the time and puts people down. Well alot of people find him extremely hard to work with (he happens to be the main bartender in our bar) but I really don't even give a rats ass. People always ask me how I stay calm around him (I have the aura of Steven Siegel) but I attribute it to the fact that I really don't care. Some people have even leapt to my defense when he randomly but jokingly (I think lol) calls me a bitch but I just laugh/shrug it off. And the reason is, I just don't care. I don't care what he thinks of me, I don't care what he says about me. Because I don't really care about him. It would be different if it was someone whose opinions mattered to me but him, nope. So choose your fights wisely, some are just not worth it.
3. I have to stop jumping the gun. I jump to conclusions, a lot... A HELLUVA LOT. The second I think something is missing... "Omg, I think *insert name of last person around said missing object* stole it... Oh wait, here it is... ha he he"
4. I'm losing touch with my culture. So I live in a city that doesn't really have many Samoans... and the ones that do live here, well it seems like they all came here to get away from their roots. I don't really remember ever being able to speak Samoan a lot because I was always disheartened when the real fobs would laugh at me when I tried. I know that shouldn't have stopped me but it did and I still remember everyone who laughed at me lol (grudge-holder much?) Anyway, when people would ask me what I was, I would say I was Kiwi/New Zealander/NZ-born Samoan and I seriously believed that. I mean it is true. But I always said Kiwi first because I was born and bred there and I've lived there the most throughout my life. But when I told my parents this they were thoroughly disappointed. They said, "You are Samoan." Yeah, I am culturally yadayada and that's when I just started saying "I'm just a product of my environment blah blah" But then I realised my parents were right (don't tell them I said that lol)... I am Samoan. I am a Samoan through and through although I was brought up overseas. Jeez, I'm an idiot sometimes. So now, I'm trying to learn the language again and trying to get back into the culture (which is so chauvinistic and so 1950s haha jooookes -_-)

Here, have a poem I wrote about 5 years ago...

I’ve lost my culture. 

The blood of my ancestors run deep within me. 

But their language so foreign, like gibberish to my ears.

I claim to be their descendent, yet tongues are tied.

I reach helplessly for words that are not in my reach, yet so close to home.

Words that will teach the generations to come of who they are.

Yet only the white mans language slides smoothly off the tip of my tongue.

 O fea sa e i ai? O fea ua e alu i ai? 

Where were you? Where have you been?

What will I teach my children? Of their language?  Of their culture?

When the Samoan language I hardly know has been stolen from my very lips.

I try so hard to remember, yet my life is living to forget.

My eyes cry unseeing tears of sadness.

Sadness that sweeps over the eyes of my matua and aiga, as I struggle with simple words.

Words that will one day be lost in a cacophony of broken Samoan.

Peace & Grace,

Potatotes