For the one that I want

I hate this feeling
I want you to validate me
I want to be the only one who makes you smile
I'm like a beast in a cage too small when I see you with other girls
I don't even know if I really like you.
Like... seriously?
Is this some kind of sick joke?
Just the idea of being with you
makes my heart flutter,
my face grow warm and flush,
Makes my hands sweaty and clammy...
When you walk into the room
My eyes dart and try to avoid yours
In case it becomes too obvious
That all I want to do is touch you
and talk to you
Give you a piece of my mind
and learn about yours,
your quirks, your fears and dreams
I keep reminding myself that I don't feel anything.
It's just the climate,
the stress I'm under,
the dishes not being done...
anything to stop me from falling for you...

a bedtime story for you

Read this if you want to fall asleep...

So when I was 15, I returned to New Zealand after living in Samoa a few years. You know that one school with the bad reputation that has all the stoner kids and 'goth' kids... well my parents enrolled me and my older brother at that school.
Aaanyway, this school was probably the most interesting high school I ever went to. And it had no uniform.  This is the school where I had friends who were stoners so they were the most chilled, laid back yet most ambitious people you could ever meet. So there was this chick in my group, right, her name was Jojo (N.B Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved lool) and what I didn't know about her was that she, was actually a he. Remember, I was only 15 and I have never come across a cross-dresser my own age who literally lived the life of the opposite sex. So basically, everyone knew that she was a cross dresser.I didn't even know until my other mate told me and then I was like "Oh" but thinking so that explains it. Actually, no I wasn't cause I had no bloody idea.
So Jojo was this really loud, out there, skimpily dressed (hey, whatever floats yours bro), getting kicked out of classes, jewellery thieving, hair braiding, cigarette smoking dudette and a third of our memories I have with her are being slightly embarrassed in the background as she yells out to guys or cusses out 'those jealous Africans' (She clamed to be half Maori, half African). I didn't have a problem with her.
And Jojo was single. She was always asking me to hook her up with someone I knew and what not and I just laughed and said, "Yeah, whatever". I remember my parents called her my "sin friend" -___-
So cue my old primary school buddy named Johnny. Johnny is an awesome dude who is funny and adorable and a rugby player if you're into that sort of thing. And one day we were catching up and I asked him if he had a girlfriend (Yeah I don't beat around the bush... except in assignments) and he was like

"Naah. Why's that?"
"Oh, I have a friend.."
"Oh yeah, is she hawt?"
"She all that and more mah broski, naahmean?"
"Naaw, bro, whatchyu mean?"
"You want her digits?"
"Whatchyu thaank, girl"

I'm kidding, we didn't really speak like that haha but that's how it basically went down. So a week later, I get a call from him...

"Hey, Johnnie, what's up?"
"WHAT THE HELL, MAE!"
"Huh?"
"The girl you gave me the number is a dude. What the hell did you give me his number for?"
"Oh shii, how did you know?" hahaha what a thing to say, right?
"EVERYONE KNOWS YOU IDIOT!"
*nervous chuckle*

and that was when I realised that straight guys probably don't go for girls who are actually guys *slaps forehead*. Plus, he was a Christian.

Virtual Hugs!
DancingPotatotes

A Tendency For Bad Romances

You should know, I have never read or watched the Twilight books. Yes, I am one of those judgy assholes who hate on things because people I admire also hate those things. Sometimes, however, you should know that I have my own opinions. Well actually, I watched either the 3rd or 4th movie because I was going in for free but that's it. I actually quite enjoyed it. I started reading Twilight 2 months ago but only got up to the part after sparkly dude saved emotionless chick from being crushed by the truck... Also I knew I wouldn't keep reading after the scene in the biology class when he acts real douchey with her (a scene which I have also watched from that movie and ASDFGHJKWER HOW DAMN AWKWARD WAS THAT?! AMIRIGHT?!... I stopped reading because I couldn't bring myself to trudge on. Hey, at least I tried aye? Aaanyways, my point being, there's a trend with all these books and movies 'promoting' unhealthy relationships like where the guy/girl treats the other like shit (usually reason being because they looove them and are doing it to 'protect' them) which makes the other half want them even more... And I have to admit, even I thought that was a little alluring. Of course, angry sex scenes are the best (Did I just say that?) And don't even get me started on some huuuuge Tumblr ships... Apparently treating someone like shit garbage for 5 years (or whatever) means you are totally in love with them (Merthur anyone?)... But then again, the world sucks and now I'm thinking of Love The Way You Lie lyrics...

*stares into the distance for a few minutes*

So the point of all this, sorry, my thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations, was that I came across a poem I wrote eons ago when I had a crush on this dude and when I read it I was like *nervously laughing* umm, okaaay then... I sound like a crazy, stalkerish, psychotic bitch, geez I have my dark moments sometimes...
Anyways, here it is for your laughing pleasure...

*FYI Oh and fuck those unhealthy relationships. You should be with someone who loves you (and treats you like they love you) and you love back... Damn it , you crazy girls, learn to love yourself, you deserve the best!!

My Unhealthy Poem About My Crush...

You make me feel like a raw emotion

I am hatred and love

twisted and torn into a rope

I would wear you like a fucking crown

proudly, painfully

so beautiful, yet so weighty

Never have i felt this way before

I can't even begin to describe how you really make me feel

I feel like shit

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world

I hate you then i love you

I love you then i hate you

I want to kill you in your sleep 

I want to cater to your every need

Make you feel like the luckiest guy in the world

Treat you like the asshole you are

I can't even remember falling for you

What is life?

Just kill me already

I don't wanna live life without you

But I'd rather live in a world without you

You are a paradox

My paradox

**Hmm that was very choppy... Like I said previously, I am very obsessive passionate about things... *running away now* Also, I do not approve of this piece of work... *running away for real now*